is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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