After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
