I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Randomize
