Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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