We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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