mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
They have beer where we have blood.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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