I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize