Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
