Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
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