Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(504): View more from Louisiana

dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!

(985): View more from Louisiana

doesn't he have a girlfriend???

(504): View more from Louisiana

yeah...who do you think woke us up...

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(908): View more from New Jersey

I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.

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(401): View more from Rhode Island

im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college

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(941): View more from Florida

i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression

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(978): View more from Massachusetts

I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.

(978): View more from Massachusetts

Thats a chance were just gonna have to take

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(856): View more from New Jersey

Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.

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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.

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(240): View more from Maryland

I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.

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