Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
