I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
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