You're a womanizer and a bitch.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
