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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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