just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
do nipples grow back?
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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