Less talking, more tequila
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
