I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
it was like having sex with a tree stump
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
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