So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
So many bounce houses so little time
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Randomize
