I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
