porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.