All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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