Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian