where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I skipped work to stalk him.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I still have a little drunk in my system
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..