So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
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i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
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I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.