omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
27 People Confess Their Proudest Fap
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
29 Unspoken Rules Of “Bro Code”
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.