You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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