She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
