sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Actions speak louder than pants.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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