I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
You took a bar mat shot.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
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