I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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