Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
