I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
