somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
