if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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