I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Randomize
