People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
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My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
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Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
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