why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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