woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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