thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Randomize
