Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
