first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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