OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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