we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize