I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
What happened to fro yo and sex?
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
