I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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