I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
