she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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