how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
