I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
