Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize