only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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