After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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