I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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