the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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