people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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