Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Randomize
