I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
