Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Randomize
