Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
