hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
