speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
