At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
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