you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
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