i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
