At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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