That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
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