I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
