jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
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