I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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