don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
