Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
