i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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