2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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