I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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