I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Why are your pants in the freezer?
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
