You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Randomize
