He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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