then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Randomize
