I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
