Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
